"What if R*****s beat Celtic?" Keevins attempts to inject life into the Ibrox side's plight, but ultimately gives them the kiss of death

Today at 02:28 AM

So, I’ve been away for the last ten days, on two islands many miles from the cold and the wind.

Everywhere I went, people wanted to talk about cricket.

Some people even wore poppies on their shorts, but I felt I did myself, and my beliefs proud.

When asked if I was there for the cricket, my response was, “Eh no, what’s that?”

When people thought I genuinely didn’t know, they tried to explain it to me.

After pretending I was being educated, I said, “Oh yes, I get you now, we have one of those teams in our country too. They’ve beaten England at this game, haven’t they?”

Cue long, drawn out, stunned silence, followed by the deafening sound of crickets, the insect type you understand, of course?

Not being one who fails to take advantage of a long drawn out silence, I delivered my tour de force.

“I also remembering us beating Pakistan, South Africa and the West Indies at this game.”

Cue more confused looks.

I finished by saying, “But I prefer Hurling myself, lightning fast, pulsating, and with 30 Hurleys on the pitch, someone is bound to get a clatter.”

With that, I left the bar, and the cricket lovers to their drinks.

So yesterday, upon my return home, I was worried I might struggle to find material after a ten a day electronic detox.

I needn’t have.

To be fair to Hugh Keevins, he never fails to let me down.

I was convinced he would talk about the fact Scotland beat Croatia, or Scrotia, as my nephew used to call them when he was 5.

But no, Keevins couldn’t resist a pathetic attempt to try and resurrect an already deid Ibrox side from the deid.

Again.

As famous street artist Banksy once said:

I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.

Rangers 1872 died in 2012, a bit later on the media said their name for the last time.

Then they become known as Sevco 5088.

Until somebody decided they didn’t.

And then decided that they’re still the same club.

Confused yet?

Yeah, me too, I guess it must be all of the rum I’ve consumed over the last 10 days….

Apologies, I digress.

Back to Keevins and his wonderful, idiosyncratic, inane ramblings.

So, imagine my absolute glee when I was met with this headline in the Sunday Mail yesterday morning:

It’s Google time when you can’t beat Celtic but Clement being kaput is a Rangers thing only – Hugh Keevins

Before trying to dissect what he said, I decided to Google why the Ibrox side can’t beat Celtic.

I was met with many answers, but I think the below one was the most apt I could find:

“R*****s are BEAT before we leave the TUNNEL”

Ironically, this was the comment of an Ibrox affiliated caller on Clyde Superscoreboard.

You would think that Keevins might actually listen to the people who call into the radio show he partakes in?

That comment pretty much sums it up, though.

If Hugh Keevins actually bothered to listen to the people who call into Superscoreboard, then he wouldn’t bother writing shite like he wrote yesterday.

Which clearly proves he doesn’t like to listen to anybody but himself.

And statements like the below categorically prove my point:

But Philippe appears, to my way of thinking, to have been made a felon before all the evidence has been gathered. What if he wins the final and reduces the deficit before the next Old Firm game? I celebrated my 75th birthday last Tuesday and, being a lifelong Glaswegian, I know the rules relative to that rivalry from top to bottom and back to front.

Philippe appears to have been made a felon before all the evidence has been gathered??

How much more evidence does one need?

Two words which amount to a felony…

Moral and Victory.

And then what followed after.

No comeback from that.

So, while Hugh might have some deluded belief in the Belgian Beale, I think it’s pretty self explanatory why the Ibrox faithful don’t share those beliefs.

Now, the mere mention from Keevins of the Ibrox side side winning the League Cup final must make Ibrox fans wince.

They must have been choking on their bacon butties yesterday morning when they read that.

I think it’s fair to say that they realised it was slim chance to begin with before Keevins rowed in.

But now they know their faint chances of winning against us lie somewhere between Bob Hope and no hope.

Simply because good ol’ Hugh has just put the kiss of death on proceedings.

75 years on this planet, and it’s brutally clear that Hugh does NOT know rules relative to that rivalry from top to bottom and back to front.

Well, at the very least, he hasn’t paid attention to said rules since 2012 anyway.

Now, the idea of the Ibrox side winning the League Cup final and then closing the points deficit on us is a novel one.

But Hugh fails to recognise that they are not just 9 points behind us.

And in doing so, he also fails to afford the respect that is due to Jimmy Thelin for sticking with Celtic all of the way to this point.

While he might state that we could drop points at Tynecastle and Pittodrie either side of facing Ross County at home, he seems very confident that the Ibrox side will gain all 6 available against Dundee United at home, and St. Johnstone away before facing Kilmarnock at Ibrox on the 4th of December.

I think the below statement towards the end of his article pretty much sums that up:

But am I to believe that, with 27 league games left to play and a one-off cup final to come that, Clement is kaput? I've done some backtracking in my time but Clement's critics from within his club's fan base will need to perform a somersault of Olympic proportions if they're wrong about him.

Well yes, Hugh, you should believe that Clement is kaput.

On the 28th of November, when Michael Beale took over as Ibrox manager, his new side were 9 points behind Celtic.

I don’t need to highlight how that finished season finished for Beale.

On the 15th of October 2023, when Philippe Clement took over from Beale, the Ibrox side were 7 points behind Celtic.

Less of a deficit, more games to play than there are now.

We all know how that season finished for Clement.

Even after he managed to claw back that deficit.

Now he has a 9 point gap to contend with, and not just Celtic ahead of him.

Aberdeen hold that extent of a lead over his side as well.

Who’s to say they couldn’t extend that gap over the Ibrox side?

Just saying.

There’s a reason the Ibrox fans think Philippe Clement is kaput Hugh.

If they needed further convincing, you giving them the kiss of death is more than enough.

As for them winning the League Cup?

Well, I guess we’ll just have to see who wants it more on the day?

The team that will legitimately become the most successful side in Scottish football history.

Or the team that wants to keep up the pretence that they are.

I know who my money will be on.

What about you Hugh?

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