Tottenham 1-1 Fulham: Player ratings to the theme of Great Lakes

Yesterday at 11:41 AM

Great Lakes, but not exactly a great performance.

There's nothing quite like a 1-1 home draw against a sneaky good Fulham side during an injury crisis at the start of the festive holiday fixture period to force Tottenham Hotspur fans into a vibe check. Spurs supporters have been lurching back and forth through so many emotional extremes already this season that I am starting to recommend therapy ("Show me on the doll where Tottenham hurt you.").

The weird part of this match is that, first, Spurs didn't lose it and second, there's a host of mitigating factors that led to this performance that are uniquely accepted by at least those in my heavily curated Bluesky feed. Not that it was an especially good performance — it wasn't — but it also wasn't an especially BAD performance. Spurs nicked a point despite getting out-xG'd, and the story of this season thus far hasn't just been that Spurs are a little inconsistent, it's that they've been inconsistent and somehow haven't managed to fluke ANY positive results when they play bad. You'd expect Spurs to "football" at least one opponent, and they just haven't. Que será será.

So let's just get right to the theme. I live in Indiana, about a 45 minute drive from one of the so-called Great Lakes, the chain of huge freshwater bodies that dominates this part of the American countryside. They're all pretty good as far as lakes go, and they're actually a pretty big part of not only the landscape, but also the local economy. So let's rank them! Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings to the theme of the Great Lakes.

5 stars: Huron

I'm a native Midwesterner that has lived near the Great Lakes my whole life, and Lake Huron is one that I wish I had more knowledge of than I do. It's deceptively huge, as it has a whole separate lobe that looks like it should be another lake but actually isn't, giving it the third largest shoreline of any lake in the United States (first place goes to Lake of the Woods with a staggering 25k mile coast). It also boasts two islands with substantial inhabited populations, and it is the lake that inspired the name of my favorite band, Lord Huron, which in my book is a plus. That's not even getting into the legend of Mishebeshu, the great mythical Lake Huron sea monster. This lake rules.

No Tottenham players in this category.

4 stars: Michigan

OK, I'm biased, so what? I have lived my entire life nearby Lake Michigan. It's not the biggest lake. It doesn't have the longest shoreline. It's somewhat polluted and it's not uncommon for dead fish to wash up on its beaches. But it has two things going for it: it has a major American city on its shores (Chicago) and it's warm enough to swim in. I have spent many a happy afternoon dipping my toes into the water at Warren or Indiana Dunes, and farther north lies the incredible Sleeping Bear Dunes national lakeshore. I love this lake even though it drops about a foot of snow on me every winter.

Fraser Forster (Community — 4.0): There were a lot of reasons why Spurs didn't come away with a win in this match, but Fraser Forster wasn't one of them. Credit to him — he made several nice stops, a couple of them pretty spectacular. He is what he is, but what he also is is a pretty good shot stopper, and that's important.

Radu Dragusin (Community — 3.5): A solid defensive performance capped by a rocket of a header saved by Leno. Had a couple of hospital passes out of the back line but overall I was pleased with his game.

Ben Davies (Community — 4.0): Ok sure he was fine, but the real question I have about Ben is how he got that incredible shiner.

3 stars: Superior

Lake Superior has the reputation as the most metal of all the Great Lakes, and for good reason. It's the largest by volume — the largest freshwater lake in the world, aktchshually — enough that it's practically an inland sea. But this lake is also DEEP and COLD. You're not swimming in this Great Lake, buddy. It gets points for the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and the Painted Rocks monuments, but the weather and water conditions can get absolutely terrifying. Gordon Lightfoot didn't write no ballads about Lake Victoria.

Timo Werner (Community — 3.5): Had a few moments in space on the left, and put in a wonderful cross for Brennan to tap in. But like the rest of the team he struggled to make much of an impact beyond that.

Destiny Udogie (Community — 3.0): Wasn't awful, but also wasn't very impactful on either side of the ball.

Yves Bissouma (Community — 3.0): A real mixed performance, blending periods of solid play with some defensive miscues.

Pape Sarr (Community — 3.0): Did a lot of solid work off the ball, but less impactful when on the ball. Struggled to break down Fulham's mid-block.

2.5 stars: Ontario

Lake Ontario is the smallest of the Great Lakes, but it does have one thing going for it — it's the only Great Lake that doesn't touch any part of Michigan. That makes it the red-headed stepchild of the Midwestern great lakes, and detracts from its appeal... or depending on your point of view, enhances it. It also, according to Gordon Lightfoot, "takes in what Lake Erie can send her." Always the bridesmaid, huh?

Brennan Johnson (Community — 3.0): Apart from the back post tap in goal, he did absolutely NOTHING out there. That said, he did have the back post tap in goal.

Pedro Porro (Community — 3.0): It's not really his fault — the guy was so gassed that he could barely run.

James Maddison (Community — 3.0): Apart from the free kick that skimmed under the wall and off the post, I'm struggling to think of anything he actually did. A forgettable match.

Dejan Kulusevski (Community — 3.0): Too little too late for Deki, who didn't have much time to make an impact and didn't make much of one when he did come in.

Ange Postecoglou (Community — 2.5): I get Ange's hands are a bit tied with rotation and injury concerns, but he could've made more timely subs.

2 stars: Erie

Lake Erie. It has algae blooms and precious few islands. You can take a quick cruise past Cedar Point which is kinda fun, but the biggest knock on Erie is that it borders and defines Ohio, indisputably the worst state in the Union.

Son Heung-Min (Community — 2.5): A forgettable afternoon. His touch was betraying him and he looked hesitant to shoot on the rare occasions he did get the ball at his feet in the box. Missed a sitter.

1 star: Great Salt Lake

Technically the Great Salt Lake qualifies as a "Great Lake" (it's literally in the name) but it is a) not Midwestern, b) salty as hell because nothing ever leaves it except through evaporation, c) has too many Mormons nearby, and d) is steadily shrinking in size. At what point are we allowed drop the "Great" from Salt Lake?

No Tottenham players were as bad as the Great Salt Lake.

Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating

Lucas Bergvall, Archie Gray, Will Lankshear